Breakups always hurt. Whether you dated for a short duration or it was a long-term relationship, spending time with the person you love can always be tempting.
Even if it was a mutual decision or your partner’s ” We need to talk” message that set the motion for a separation. On certain days parting in a romantic relationship can feel like a super durable fix for what might have just been a temporary problem. During such times you feel like reconsidering your decision of parting ways due to whatever reasons and get back together to your ex.
How Do You Know If You Should Get Back Together With An Ex?
Why did the relationship end?
This is one important question that you need to ask yourself. It is a game-changing question that will help you determine is it really worth getting back to your ex or not. Was it jealousy? Or was it because you were in a toxic relationship?
If it was a slight minor difference or an argument, then you can resolve it and come to a middle ground. If it is a complex problem related to cheating, trust issues, or violence, you need to ensure that both of you have discussed it out and worked on the problem before getting back.
Do you want your ex back?
Do you want your ex back because you genuinely love them, or is it infatuation? Take your time to understand your feeling about your ex. Don’t forget the differences you had. Consider getting back with him, only if you are ready to settle those differences.
Does your ex want you back?
No matter how badly you want them if they are not as willing to come back with you. If you hear things like, “Yeah, we can try.” or “Maybe we can think about it.” you know they are disinterested. They won’t put any effort now, and things will go down the hill again.
Is the dynamic different?
It’s only wise to think of getting back with your ex when there has been a change in dynamics from where you guys left.
You should feel at peace, and most loved around your partner. Each moment spent with them is valuable. No relationship should make you doubt yourself or belittle your presence.
Is there still animosity, or have you forgiven each other?
Think profoundly, and before getting back with your ex, really know whether you have forgiven them entirely. There might have been some ugly moments that would have led to breakups, but you both need to take responsibility.
Are You Just Lonely?
Getting back with your ex just because you are lonely isn’t the right decision. You can learn new skills or enrol in classes to keep yourself busy, but being in a relationship to fill the void isn’t the right reason.
How Long Have You Given Yourself?
Getting back with your ex is a big thing. So make sure that you have given yourself the time to breathe. Don’t rush this decision and only think of it when you are mentally in the right headspace.
The Stages Of Getting Back Together With An Ex
No contact
It is true when one said, ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The period just after the breakup is a whirlwind of emotions and hurt experienced over the years to ooze out at every moment possible. You cannot stay connected to your partner in any way and expect that you will get time to think things through.
It takes a lot of phone calls with your friends and many sessions of individual behaviour to realize the shortcomings. Every person takes a different amount of time to realize things and even get an idea of getting back together.
Could we? Would we? Should we?
After you decide to get back together comes the suspecting phase. It is normal for your mind to bombard you with questions without any answers in sight. It is normal to doubt small details that you might have shared throughout your relationship. Everyone fears a change and this by far has to be the most doubts and anxiety-inducing phase in any couple’s life.
“Can I call him/her ‘baby’ yet?”
Once you get back together, things can become awkward for a while since both of you might not know how much is too much. There is a possibility that you might feel that things are too formal or your partner is too distant. Remind yourself not to judge them and try to see their reaction to some beautiful or essential moments from your relationship. This will help you understand the extent to which your partner is comfortable.
The first post-breakup date
It is okay to feel all jittery before your first date in this phase. Do not worry, as everything will be alright. You will get to experience all the thrill and comfort of being in a relationship once again. Keep in mind that you are two different people and accept the changes.
Things feel great, and that’s terrifying
It’s natural to feel scared and tense when you get back together after a break in your relationship. It can feel like you are walking on dangerous grounds at all times, and this will not prove to be good in the long run. Communication is the key to making it work this time.
Learning the tricks of the trade
Things will be different after you two get back together. We need to understand that distances and breakups change people. This is probably for the best as this can help you build a healthy relationship with your partner.
Rediscovering love
When you reach this stage, you will have to let go of all expectations and truly accept your partner’s new personality. Getting back together can be the most emotionally draining thing you might go through as a couple. Whether this storm and you will have a successful relationship.
How to Get Back With an Ex
Take it slow
The idea of you and your ex hanging out together seems lovely. Before you two get back to post about your rekindled love again, this time, take it slow. Give extra time and space for your relationship to nurture.
Figure out what really you want
During the stage of getting back and sorting out your differences, make sure you both have discussed what was lacking before. For example, did you feel your presence was being taken lightly or was there not enough understanding? Whatever it is, state it out clearly, and both you and your partner should know what the others want from this relationship.
View it as a new chapter in an old relationship.
We know that you share a past and have dated before, but don’t let that come in the way. Think of it as a new beginning of an old love and take an interest in knowing your partners again from scratch. Know about how they feel about things, their passion, and new things they are fond of.
Talk about what you did when you were apart…
Discuss what you did in the period you two were apart. Be honest with them, and if you dated someone during that period, let them know about it. It will be very unpleasant to begin a relationship based on some hidden secrets or facts. Give them the chance to talk about their concerns regarding any points and then swiftly move on.
Ask why do you want to get back together?
Do you want to get back to them because your last date didn’t arouse the way they used to? Or is it because there was something extremely positive about them?’ If it’s the first reason, then you will be in trouble soon. If it’s the second one, you should consider getting back.
Listen to your gut
It is natural to have some doubts about coming back together. If you feel things are going downhill, pay heed to those gut feelings. You probably ignored them the first time you were together, but sure you don’t repeat the same mistake.
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Address old issues
After you get together, old issues are going to pop up. It is best to talk about them calmly and find the reason behind your previous fights so that you can work on them.
Have a “trust chat”
Breakups occur mostly due to broken trust. It takes a lot of time and effort to build it back up again. But for a relationship to be successful, there has to be mutual trust. So feel free to have a heart-to-heart trust conversation with your partner, which will help you set realistic expectations and build trust.
Be ready to forgive
If your partner broke the trust by cheating on you and you still want to get back together, then it. You need to let go of the past to avoid the cycle of criticism and address such issues calmly without going down the spiral of emotions.
Collect your thoughts before bringing them up
It is always better to have complete thoughts rather than just saying your ideas whenever they pop into your head. It will help you give your partner a better understanding of the issues.
Don’t expect everyone to be on board.
You need to understand that you two might have got back together, but not everyone will be okay with it, such as your parents and friends. You might have told your friends and family already about the breakup. You can try to make them understand by telling them the changes you two brought out in yourself and your plans.
Remember the bottom line: You’re still with the same person.
After getting back together, it might be possible that they have changed for good, but there are chances of them going back to their old self too. So be ready to look out for such repetitions and make the correct decision.
Conclusion
Breakups are tough and getting back with your ex after the breakup is even tougher for romantic partners. If you are deciding to get back, then you need to introspect the reasons. You need to remember why you broke up. Go slow and give yourself time without letting your emotions get better. You are dating the same person so keep a keep look to whether your partner is repeating the same mistake.
FAQs
Is getting back with an ex ever a good idea?
You can get back with your ex if you still feel connected and both of you are ready to overcome the shortcomings.
Why is it so tempting?
It can feel tempting because you already have shared memories and feelings with your ex.
Can a broken relationship ever be fixed?
Yes, one can fix a broken relationship if both partners are ready to work on the problems in the relationship.
Should I Answer My Ex’s Calls During No-Contact?
No, try to avoid any kind of contact for a while because this helps you know why this relationship is important for you.
Should I Try To Make My Ex Jealous?
Doing such tricks isn’t a smart way to go about things. Instead, avoid any animosity and try to have positive feelings.