Every individual has their own definition of what happiness looks like to them. Whatever the relationship status of a person might be, the fact whether they’re happy or not depends on different factors for different people. However, if we talk about a married couple, there are certain factors that are indicative of a happy marriage and also of an unhappy one.
Signs you’re in an unhappy marriage
If you’re not happy in a marriage, you’ll start to see/feel the absence of certain signs that are an essential part of a successful marriage and you eventually get into a toxic relationship. If and when you start noticing these signs, know that it’s time to either fix things up or leave the relationship. Let’s see what these unhappy marriage signs look like.
You feel neglected
An unhappy married life will make you feel neglected most of the time. You might even sense a feeling of betrayal from your partner. You are likely to get thoughts that they’re not giving you enough time, either because they’ve lost interest in you or somebody else has caught their attention or both.
You minimize each other’s concerns
An unhappy marriage might either lead you or your partner towards thinking that one of you is superior to the other. The feeling of being equal is a non-negotiable aspect of a healthy and happy marriage. If one of you has started to feel superior in the relationship, take it as a clear sign of your marriage being unhappy and try seeking out help at the earliest. Sit down with your partner and talk it out or consider a relationship expert/therapist if you wish to.
You’re not having sex
The act of physical intimacy is as important for a healthy relationship as is emotional intimacy. There can be multiple reasons for sex diminishing from a marriage. If you or your partner doesn’t feel like having as much sex as you used to earlier, try to find out the reason behind the same. Being attached and attracted to each other physically is indeed very important for a marriage to remain happy.
Everything they do gets under your skin
If your marriage has become unhappy over the years, you are very likely to get irritated/frustrated/doubtful about anything and everything your partner does. They might be doing the exact same things that they had always been doing but your perspective might have changed, because of which you might now see those actions differently.
They’re keeping secrets
A bad marriage tends to get quite secretive. If one of you no longer wants to share what’s going on in your life with your partner, it is probably because you don’t trust your partner as much as you used to. This can also be a result of emotional detachment, wherein you no longer feel that your partner can make you happy so you start keeping secrets from them.
Most of your conversations turn into arguments
Know that your marriage is an unhappy one when the two of you stop discussing things and start arguing over the most insignificant matters. This can happen as a result of a lack of communication between the both of you. If you feel that everything your partner has to say is leading you to start an argument or vice versa, it’s about time you should consult a therapist to find a solution for this.
They’re always on the defensive
In a loveless marriage, none of you would be willing to accept your mistakes. You’ll always tend to remain defensive and try to prove how it is never yours but always your partner’s fault. This is an extremely toxic sign of a marriage turning unhappy and unhealthy. Blaming everything on your partner wouldn’t help. Try talking it out or seek help if need be.
You have different agendas
A miserable marriage will mostly involve the two of you thinking differently and wanting different things from life. You’ll suddenly start to have different agendas and different perspectives when it comes to you as a couple. While the reasons behind such a scenario occurring can be multiple, this difference in opinion about your worldviews, values, dreams, and goals is definitely a prominent sign of an unhealthy marriage that should not be overlooked.
You’re feeling controlled
If you’re living an unhappy marriage, you might start to feel that your significant other is always trying to control you. You’ll gradually tend to lose the sense of freedom that you earlier had in the relationship. This might lead you to feel suffocated and you might want to move out of such a marriage.
You avoid each other, as much as you can
If love has vanished from your marriage, it is very likely that you or your partner will try to avoid each other as much as possible. You might start spending most of your time away from home so you do not have to be around them. You might also indulge in having extramarital affairs (physical/emotional) if you wish to stay away from the one you’re married to.
You have divorce fantasies
An unhappy marriage often tends to lead you into fantasizing about divorce. While separation should never be the first option you think of, certain marriages might come on a crossroad where you or your partner might feel that divorce is the best remedy. You might even feel that your life will be so much better when you’ll be divorced.
They’re no longer your confidant
Your partner must be your best friend, biggest compliment, most honest critique, and your confidant in order for your marriage to remain happy and you should have relationship goals. If this aspect starts to fade away, know that your marriage is no longer happy. If you or your partner starts keeping secrets from each other, starts developing trust issues, and refuses to rely on you like before, you should take a step towards remedying the same at the earliest.
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Conclusion
A marriage doesn’t turn unhappy overnight. Things gradually stop working out between a married couple and they might have a sudden realization that oh, their marriage isn’t working out anymore! While it is okay to feel so, it is also necessary to identify the signs that led their marriage into being unhappy and then take the necessary steps to either fix the relationship or move out of it.
FAQs
What is a loveless marriage?
It is a failing marriage where you feel you don’t love your spouse like you used to.
Can you revive an unhappy marriage?
Talk to your partner about fixing things that are not working, accept that it is not always your partner who is at fault.
How can I change myself?
The first and foremost step towards changing yourself is accepting the fact that you aren’t always right.
Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
Staying unhappily married should never be an option. If things aren’t working out for you and your partner, first try to talk and fix things up.