Insecurity in Relationship & How to Stop Being Insecure

Gwen Adams

insecurity in relationship

Do you often seek attention from your partner? Or do you keep asking questions that are a bit too much? Signs like these show that you are feeling insecure. Insecurity in Relationshipsis nothing new. People feel this way even when they get love and care. This leads to harming the relationship, which they treasure the most.

Your relationship doesn’t have to suffer all the time because of your insecurities. If you take the right steps, you can get rid of personal insecurities. You need to look for signs of relationship insecurities. Work on the root cause of your insecurities and build a healthy relationship.

With the help of this article, you can know how to stop being insecure. It may help you get out of insecurity regardless of the stage of the relationship you are in.

Insecurity in relationships

How Neediness and Emotional Insecurity Destroy Relationships

People feeling insecure in a romantic relationship are not the only ones who suffer. The negative effect of insecurity in a relationship affects their partner too. With all the anxiety, fear, and worry, the complete relationship goes through turmoil. All of this can affect the mental health and physical health of both partners in a relationship. Both partners have to face the repercussions of insecurity.

The person who is at the receiving end of these feelings of insecurity might feel burdened. You might end up harming what you treasure the most i.e. your relationship. It mostly happens in long-distance relationships, when you stay away and can’t meet for so long then such insecurity arises and you will not feel peaceful.

Signs of Insecurity In a Relationship


Feeling jealous on a regular basis is one of the most common signs of insecurity in a relationship. There can be multiple types of jealousy. It can be emotional jealousy, behavioural jealousy, or cognitive jealousy. With jealousy, you can become uncomfortable whenever your partner spends time with others.


If you are always trying hard for your partner’s attention then this can be a sign of insecurity. Everyone likes when their loved one gives them attention. But if you are looking for attention with every action, then this can be out of insecurity. Because attention seeking is not a secure attachment style.


When arguments become regular and on trivial matters, then it can be a sign of insecurity. When you feel insecure, you might feel agitated when your partner gives a bit of attention to others. This can lead to baseless arguments. It can further affect your mental health and can hurt committed relationships.

You Don’t Trust Easily

Lack of trust can be the very 1st step to insecurity with your current partner. Trust is the foundation of any relationship that makes both partners comfortable. When you have trust issues with your partner, then it becomes very tough to accept whatever your partner says.

Cope up with Insecurities

You Struggle With Intimacy

When you are in an intimate relationship, becomes vital to share intimacy. When you feel insecure, you don’t feel confident about yourself. And you find it tough to accept yourself for who you are. This feeling can stop you from being close or intimate with your partner. Thus, it can be a sign that you are an insecure person.

You Become Panicked Easily

If you have a habit of panicking over little things, then it can be because of your insecure attachment. When you become panicked easily, you might panic even when your partner’s mood changes. This shows that you are insecure about your current relationship.

You Easily Feel Attacked

Feeling like you are the one who has to face the worst in the relationship then it can be a sign as you would not be willing to hear the other side of the story. When you are insecure you feel the threat of losing. Thus you might feel that you are the victim in the relationship and feel insecure.

You Create Mountain Over Molehills

Creating mountains over molehills means you are blowing things out of proportion. When you have chronic insecurity, you might start overreacting. You may create issues even when it’s nothing much to worry about. This could happen because of the anxiousness and worry of losing your partner.

You Don’t Accept Yourself

When you are insecure in a relationship, you look for flaws in yourself. You look for reasons your partner can leave you. Instead of accepting yourself for who you are, you would develop self-hatred. Without this self-acceptance, you would start doubting yourself. Such an adult attachment style can make you feel insecure in a relationship.

Causes of Insecurities

Causes of Insecurity in Relationships

An Unpleasant Previous Relationship

You might have had an unhealthy relationship in the past. Because of this, you might still hold on to those unpleasant feelings. This happens when you don’t give enough time to overcome your previous feelings. This affects your relationship negatively and increases your insecurity in relationships.

Low Self Confidence

If you don’t feel confident, you might feel that you are not deserving of this relationship. Experiences like getting mistreated, bullied or abused be the reason for such feelings. Because of this, you might feel that your partner can get anyone better than you. This can affect your relationship and you might feel insecure.

Neglect or Mistreatment

Sometimes people have experiences of neglect and mistreatment from past relationships. So, when they get treated well, they feel insecure about losing their partner. This happens because such people haven’t had such an experience in their life. This fear of loss can make them insecure.

Social Anxiety

Many people face social anxiety when they have to be in meetings, dates, or any social gatherings. Some people face chronic levels of social anxiety. This puts a negative effect on their social confidence in relationships. They might get overly conscious of how you are behaving in public. Because of this, they might not get along well with their partner and feel insecure.

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection can often cause you to feel insecure in relationships. When people are afraid of rejection, they often feel less confident about themselves. This fear can get triggered with even minor letdowns and insecurity can build up. If you will not cope with the fear of rejection, you will feel low on confidence.


How to Stop being insecure in a relationship

Learn to communicate effectively

Relationship coaches suggest good communication can be very helpful in getting rid of your insecurity. Just talk to your partner about how you feel about things. Talk to your partner before making assumptions about anything. It reduces the chances of miss understanding. You will connect well with your partner and this can reduce your insecurity.

Meet each other’s need

Insecurity in relationships comes with the fear of losing your partner. If partners can fulfil the needs of each other then it will become easy to cope with this fear. Partners can get to know each other’s needs through good communication. And if you would fulfil the needs, your partner would not want to leave. It will lead to a good relationship with no insecurity.

Trust yourself and your partner

You need to trust your partner to do what is right for the relationship. And you should also trust yourself that you are not undeserving of the love that you are getting. Without trust, you will start questioning everything. You might become unnecessarily suspicious of your partner’s action.

Stop overthinking

Overthinking can be very harmful to your relationship. You may start thinking about scenarios and possibilities that are very extreme. Even the simplest of actions of your partner would put you in doubt. You need to stop overthinking and cherish the relationship. This might make you feel more satisfied with the relationship. You may feel content and could cope with your insecurity.

Give your partner space

You need to give your partner enough space and let them express themselves. Let your partner hang out with their friends and enjoy life as they do. If you would give your partner enough space, then they won’t feel trapped in the relationship. With this, you will feel less insecure.

Don’t judge yourself

Judging yourself would make you over-analyze your actions. You may become very tough on yourself for mistakes that are not even yours. When you would stop judging yourself, then you could appreciate the good in yourself. You will be yourself and understand what are the qualities that your partner likes in you.

Doubt your doubts

Whenever you have doubts about your partner, you need to analyze your doubts. Understand the reason behind your doubts before confronting your partner with the doubt. With this, you will avoid the doubts that are unnecessary. It would make your partner feel less burdened. This would lead to better relationships and less insecurity.

Get to the root of it

When you feel insecure about a relationship, then try to understand why you feel this way. Give yourself enough time to analyze the actions that lead to it. Doing this can help you in finding out the root cause of your insecurity and then you can get rid of it. You can talk about it with your partner. You can also consult a relationship expert to improve your understanding. 

Surround yourself with positivity

Positivity plays a key role in any relationship. If you have too much negativity in your, then your life can become unpleasant. Try to be in the company of people that make you feel better about yourself and don’t make you doubt yourself. This would make you positive about your relationship and you may not feel insecure.

Final Thoughts

You may feel insecure in a relationship because of low self-esteem and other reasons. But need to remind yourself that what happened in the past is over. Just because you didn’t get treated well in past doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the love and care. Don’t stress over negative things, instead get to the root of your problems and talk it out with your partner. You can follow the things mentioned in the article to get over your insecurities.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What does insecure mean?

Insecure means that you are anxious, doubtful, and under-confident. It’s a feeling of being incompetent in a relationship or other situations.

Where does insecurity come from?

Insecurity can result from unpleasant experiences. Low self-esteem or other external factors can also make you feel insecure.

What to do if your own insecurity is ruining your relationships?

You would need to understand the root cause of insecurity in relationships. Analyze it with proper reasoning and then communicate to your partner about it.

Does own or partner attachment insecurity predict infidelity?

None of the attachment theories reported that avoidant attachment can predict infidelity. However, the likelihood of infidelity can increase with own or partner attachment insecurity.

What makes a woman insecure in a relationship?

It can be because of a lack of self-love. Women can also feel insecure because of past traumas and negative beliefs.

How useful was this article?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 2 / 5. Vote count: 1

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Related Posts


Leave a Comment