If you’re someone who lets their guard down after their first or second date, then you need to pause. There is an attachment theory that explains why individuals behave a certain way in a relationship or when dating someone.
This theory can help people who have attachment issues and end up getting attached too soon to the wrong person. Maybe you want to chat with them all day long, depend heavily on your emotional needs, and seek constant validation from them.
If this is the case, then here are some reasons and tips that will help you fall in love at a balanced pace and get you in a healthy relationship. You can also use romantic pick up lines to make your partner feel loved.
Reasons Why You Get Emotionally Attached Too Soon
Abandonment in Childhood
Parent’s love and upbringing play a major role in becoming an adult for the rest of your life. In those primary years, if they were not present for you, you grow on to become a person who looks for love and understanding and strong attachment from some other source.
This is because of childhood trauma. If they abandoned you during your early years, you might become an emotionally vulnerable kid. You then subconsciously look for people you can rely on to make you feel loved.
You Get Attracted To Their Shiny Qualities
Many times the first things that attract you to a person and seem dreamy are the ones that eventually let you down in a relationship.
For instance, let’s say you meet a person in business who owns a cruise ship. He or she is settled, a charming person, and has a way with words. You will immediately get attracted to them. Over the years, these same qualities can start ruining your romantic relationship. They might be obsessed with their work and devote less time to you.
So the next time you get attracted to someone’s flashy quality or lifestyle, think again before taking the big plunge. These factors have very little to no contribution to a successful long-term healthy relationship.
You Make Dating Decisions Based on Emotions Instead of Logic
When your emotions drive your decisions, you tend to become more irrational. For example, if your romantic partner doesn’t text you back, you get annoyed and snap back at them. Whenever you feel lonely, you want them to be present for you or want to get some sort of assurance when you feel insecure.
While there’s nothing wrong with this, and relationships should be all about supporting each other during their lows you should not go overboard with it. Being completely dependent on your partner for your emotional needs can make them paranoid especially in long-distance relationships. Sometimes, you need to take charge of your feelings, be responsible and act maturely. Keep your emotions in check and don’t lose yourself entirely to them.
How to Stop Getting Emotionally Attached Too Quickly
Avoid Talking about the Future of the Relationship
Whenever there’s a deep emotional attachment, it sometimes becomes very tempting to talk to your partner about your future together. Avoid doing it within the initial months of the relationship. There are chances that your partner might not be comfortable with thinking about the future. First, you need to understand them and their personality. It is better to take things slowly to know your partner’s future ideas.
Set Boundaries and Don’t Open up about Everything Just Yet
It is necessary that you trust the person before you start telling him or her all the stories of your life. People sometimes do not wait to see whether the person they are with can be trusted or not. It is required that you set boundaries on what you can discuss and what cannot. Having such limitations will help you in keeping some things as a mystery. Because once you say things out loud, you can just hope that they did not hear it.
Avoid Investing Too Much at the Beginning
We understand the urge to meet your partner whenever they call or ask you to meet. But you have to understand that you should never cancel plans which someone else has already made to be with you. This will give out a signal that you place your partner above everyone else and might result in some damaged relationships. It would be best to make your partner understand that you have a life outside of the relationship.
Get Clear with What You Need in a Relationship
Before you get caught up with the idea of dating a person, take a note of every one of the things that you want when you are seeing someone. Have clarity about the qualities and personality traits that you really want, not what you need. Do you want somebody who values you? Do you want someone as career-oriented as you? Are you okay and accepting all the flaws you have seen until now? Get clear with those ideas first.
Do a Reality Check every Now and Then
Sometimes, when we give everything to the person we are with, we are often undervalued and taken for granted. It is necessary to take a step back and analyze if you are giving too much to the relationship or if you are being taken care of correctly or not. In such situations, we need to ask ourselves, “If we have lost our originality in this dating process ?” or “Does our daily lives revolve around them?”. The answer to these questions will give you clarity on your situation and the courage to walk away if needed.
In such a fast-paced world, we all search for our special someone we can confide in. It becomes difficult not to have any emotional attachment with someone who has impressed us in the initial days of dating itself. “All that Glitters is not Gold,” and this is what we need to keep in mind while dating your partner.
A healthy attachment is one that allows you to feel free and makes you grow. For that, even if you need to wait, it is worth it then. Give yourself the time, know them inside out before falling head over heels for them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why Am I so Attached To Someone I Barely Know?
If you’re a highly sensitive person, then seeing that relationship is on a right track might make you attached to someone.
How do you know when you’re too attached to someone?
When it starts feeling like you cannot live without your partner or have some really negative thoughts, then you need to understand that you are too attached to your partner.
Is it bad to get attached too easily?
Getting attached too easily too early makes you vulnerable in front of the person. Also getting attached is mentally tiring if both of you are not on the same page