How To Talk To A Narcissist? Tips For Dealing

Gwen Adams

How to talk to a narcissist

A narcissistic person can be difficult to deal with. They are self-centred, arrogant, limelight-hogging, and charismatic. Due to their narcissistic behaviour, there are certain communication styles to take note of when you talk to them. You may have to drop any expectation that you can have normal human interactions.

There are different kinds of narcissists, some are extreme with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Dating a narcissist is also a tough task, you hit pickup lines and get a weird reaction.

How Do You Talk To A Narcissist?

There are two sides to a coin. Similarly, there are two extreme sides of a narcissist you should be aware of before approaching them. They mesmerize and impress people with their tempting personality, but the other extreme side behaves cold-hearted and unapologetic.

People with narcissistic traits or personality disorders are sometimes unaware of their condition, nor do they accept it. The ones who are self-aware of their nature are greater manipulators. They have inflated egos and crippling personalities and so a healthy two-way discussion is very unlikely.

How Do You Talk To A Narcissist?

Always remember: You can’t change them!

Narcissists have adamant and stubborn personalities that often question us about how to speak to a narcissist, and if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist you sometimes feel that you’re in a one-sided relationship. They achieve what they want by hook or crook. You will not be able to change their perspective or correct their mistake because they hate being under the spotlight for being wrong. It is better to stop if you are trying to change them or their ways.

A narcissist does not accept blame, rather manipulates you to think that you’re wrong. Hence, the wiser option is to avoid changing them or getting them to apologize. So rather than feeling hurtful or distressed after talking to a narcissist, you should stop worrying and be clear about what you want.

Don’t expect too much!

A typical conversation with a narcissist can be mentally exhausting, intense, and sometimes agonizing. Sometimes they can be so aggressive that it becomes overwhelming to continue the conversation with them.

It is better to set your limit of tolerance and end the discussion when you reach that limit. Continuing a one-sided talk will only drain your mental strength.

Ask Clarifying Questions

Narcissists are self-focussed and manipulators, so it is highly likely that they would make unreasonable demands to cater to their selfish needs. They expect the other person to acknowledge and appreciate their expectations and requirements. Asking direct and clarifying questions will make the narcissist realize the unbalanced requests.

Make sure you are not being indirect, rather subtle, yet clear with your question. You can ask questions like – “Do you think this is reasonable?”, “Is this a question or you expect me to do”, or “We can agree to disagree”.

Use Humor

Narcissists are a tough nut to crack. Using humour and intelligence can help you come out of the toughest situations. A more logical approach is not to indulge in a heated and tempestuous argument, rather use your humour and wit to respond to a selfish request by a narcissist. In fact, a witty question can make them curious about you.

It is crucial to stand your ground and draw boundaries. Remember what your priorities are so that you can move on and don’t end up in an exhausting quarrel with that narcissistic person.

Separate the Behavior from the Person

People often do not like being pointed out or being told that they are wrong. A narcissist with an inflated ego despises being told they are wrong and may get into a heated argument to prove their side.

One of the best ways to mirror their mistakes is by questioning their behaviour rather than saying that they are wrong. For example, instead of saying “You’re a narcissist” or “You’re acting like a narcissist”. You can respond like “Don’t you think this behaviour is narcissistic?” or “This sounds like something a narcissist would do”.

Ask Directly Whether the Individual Is a Narcissist

Communicating with a narcissist can be confusing. The most straightforward and unambiguous way is to ask the person directly whether they are a narcissist. They may even brag about their unique and unshared experiences.

You can ask clarifying questions like – “Are you a narcissist?” or “Do you think you have a narcissistic personality?”. Such questions are uncomplicated but make sure you don’t call out their narcissism in front of a crowd. Instead of questioning their superiority or flaws, keep the question simple, subtle, and unaggressive.

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Narcissists have charismatic and tempting personalities. In an exchange with a person, you can understand whether it is a healthy discussion or was it is an exchange of unwholesome agenda upon you. You clearly feel something is off or strange about it.

A narcissistic behaviour will – refuse to acknowledge or make accusations. It is better to identify such characters and avoid them if they are not an important person in your life. You must stand up to a narcissist if they transgress your personal boundaries.


What if I’m dating a narcissist?

Narcissists are very dominating, self-centred, and attract people with their charming personalities.

How to Spot a Narcissist?

Narcissists are often arrogant, need constant admiration, and have a strong sense of grandiosity.

What Not to Do With a Narcissist?

Confrontations and arguments can trigger because they dislike admitting they are wrong. Avoid relationships with narcissists who have personality disorders.

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